经典幽默搞笑小故事(合集)

时间：2022-07-20 23:29:10 作者：网友上传字数：3797字

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第一篇：《经典幽默搞笑小故事》之无可奈何

晚上十一点多，五岁的儿子还不肯睡，妈妈就说：“晚上十一点是我们的肝脏排毒的时间，这个时候还不睡觉，会影响身体健康的。”

儿子听了，仰着脖子问：“肝脏不会推迟排毒的时间吗？”

妈妈摇了摇头，说：“不会，它很准时，到点就排毒。”

儿子叹了一口气，说：“唉，我这么聪明，怎么我的肝脏却那么笨呢？”

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第二篇：《经典幽默搞笑小故事》之拿燃料

美国知名主持人林克莱特有一天访问一名小朋友，问他说：“你长大后想要当做什么呀？”

小朋友天真地回答：“嗯……我要当飞机的驾驶员。”

林克莱特接着问：“如果有一天，你的飞机飞到太平洋上空所有引擎都熄火了，你会怎么办？”

小朋友想了想：“我会先告诉坐在飞机上的人绑好安全带，然后我挂上我的降落伞跳出去。”

当在场的观众笑得东倒西歪时，林克莱特继续注视着这孩子，想看他是不是自作聪明的家伙。

没想到，接着孩子的两行热泪夺眶而出，于是林克莱特问他说：为什么你要这么做？”

小孩的答案透露了这个孩子真挚的想法：“我要去拿燃料，我还要回来！”

这就是“听的艺术”。一是听话不要听一半。二是不要把自己的意思，投射到别人所说的话上头。要学会聆听，用心听，虚心听。

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第三篇：《经典幽默搞笑小故事》之两个结

奇奇是一只蓝老鼠，洋洋是一只红老鼠，他们是一对好朋友。

这天，奇奇在给洋洋打电话：“喂!洋洋吗?”

洋洋回答说：“是啊，奇奇，有事吗?”

“有……有事，什么事呢?我突然想不起来了。”奇奇很抱歉地说。又一天，洋洋急匆匆地跑来找奇奇：“奇奇，我想……我想……唉，怎么想不起来了?”

两个好朋友老是这样，突然忘记了准备去做的事情。

在一个天气很好的早上，奇奇换上干净的衬衣，系上领带，“我要和洋洋去逛商店，吃冰淇淋……突然，他拍拍头，万一，万一我忘了怎么办呢?这时，他看见了自己的长尾巴，对了，逛商店，打一个结;吃冰淇淋，再打一个结。我只要看到这两个结，一定会想起来的。

奇奇很满意地走出家门，一只尾巴上打着两个结的蓝老鼠，走在街上是很神气的。大街的另一头，洋洋很快活地走过来，他的尾巴上也打着两个结。

“洋洋，你好!我想找你一起去……去……怎么又忘了?”奇奇着急地说。

“我也想找你去……去……去哪儿呢?”洋洋也很着急地说着。

两只穿得很整齐的老鼠凑在一起，谁也想不起来准备要做的事情。

“算了算了，洋洋，我们一起去玩吧!”“好主意。”

两只老鼠一起逛商店、冰淇淋、买图书、打电子游戏机……好快乐的一个上午!

分手时，奇奇突然看到了自己尾巴上的两个结，“啊!我想起来了，我是找你去逛商店、吃冰淇淋……”

洋洋也想起来了：“你瞧，我尾巴上的两个结是提醒我，和你一起去买图书、打电子游戏机……”“哈哈哈……”他们满意地笑着，因为他们准备做的事情全做了。

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第四篇：自我介绍信,英文

篇一：英文自我介绍信英文自我介绍信

good morning, my name is jack, it is really a great honor to have this opportunity for a interview, i would like to answer whatever you may raise, and i hope i can make a good performance today, eventually eoll in this prestigious university in september.now i will introduce myself briefly,i am 21 years old,born in heilongjiang province ,northeast of china,and i am curruently a senior student at beijing xx uni.my major is packaging engineering.and i will receive my bachelor degree after my graduation in june.in the past 4 years,i spend most of my time on study,i have paed cet4/6 with a ease.and i have acquired basic knowledge of packaging and publishing both in theory and in practice.besides, i have attend listening to music, but i am not lonely, i like to chat with my clamates, almost talk everything ,my favorite pastime is valleyball,playing cards or surf online.through college life,i learn how to balance between study and entertainment.by the way, i was a actor of our amazing drama club.i had a few glorious memory on stage.that is my pride.篇二：英语自我推荐信

i am a third year master major in automation at shanghai jiao tong university, p.r.china.with tremendous interest in industrial engineering, i am writing to apply for acceptance into your ph.d.graduate program.education background at the period of my graduate study, my overall gpa（3.77/4.0） ranked top 5% in the department.in the second semester, i became teacher aistant that is given to talented and matured students only.this year, i won the acer scholarship as the one and only candidate in my department, which is the ultimate accolade for distinguished students endowed by my university.presently, i am preparing my graduation thesis and trying for the honor of excellent graduation thesis.research experience and academic activity in retrospect, i find myself standing on a solid basis in both theory and experience, which has prepared me for the ph.d.program.my future research interests include: network scheduling problem, heuristic algorithm research （especially in ga and neural network）, supply chain network research, hybrid system performance analysis with petri nets and data mining.please give my application materials a serious consideration.thank you very much. my name is juanjuan xu ， and i will graduate from xi’an fanyi university in the year 2003， my major is secretary in english department. it’s my great pleasure to have this opportunity to improve our mutual understanding.during the three –year college study， i tried my best to learn all kinds of knowledge， and weigh the hard work of my teachers and myself; i have mastered english listening， speaking， writing and reading skills.第一部分：英文自我介绍

第一部分：面试英语自我介绍模板

1、上午好/下午好/晚上好！我的名字叫……。今天有机会进行自我介绍深感荣幸。我乐意回答你们所提出来的任何问题。我希望我今天能表现的非常出色。

2、i am years old, born in province/beijing, northeast/southeast/southwest…… of china, and i am currently a freshman（大一新生）/sophomore（大二学生）/junior（大三学生）/senior（大四学生） student at capital institute of physical education.我今年……岁，出生在……省/北京，它位于中国的东北/东南/西南……等部。我目前是首都体育学院大一/大二/大三/大四的学生。

3、my major is sports training of basketball/voellyball/football/badminton/pingbang/tennis/ 我主修篮球/排球/足球/羽毛球/乒乓球/网球/田径/游泳/跆拳道等运动训练专业。在我毕业以后，我将会获得学士学位。

4、in the past 1/2/3 years, i spend most of my time on study.i have paed cet3/4/6 and i have acquired basic knowledge of sports training both in theory and in practice.在过去的1/2/3年中，我把大量的时间用在学习上。我已经通过了大学英语2/3/4/6级。而且，我已经从理论和实践二方面对运动训练专业的基础知识有了一个大致的了解。

5、besides, i have attended several sports meetings held in beijing.i am also the volunteers of china tennis open, chinese badminton masters…… .through these i have a deeply understanding of my major—sports training.除此以外，我还参加了在北京举行的许多运动会。我还是中国网球公开赛，羽毛球大师赛……的志愿者。通过这些，我对运动训练专业有了一个更深刻的了解。

6、i have lots of interest, such as singing, dancing, drawing and so on.我有很多兴趣爱好，如唱歌、跳舞、画画等。

7、thank you! 第二部分：面试英语自我介绍范文 good morning ! it is really my honor to have this opportunity for a interview, i hope i can make a good performance today.im confident that i can succeed.now i will introduce myself briefly i am 26 years old, born in shandong province .i was graduated from qingdao university.my major is electronic.and i got my bachelor degree after my graduation in the year of 2003.i spend most of my time on study, i have paed cet4/6.and i have acquired basic knowledge of my major during my school time.i think im a good team player and im a person of great honesty to others.also i am able to work under great preure.that’s all.thank you for giving me the chance. 第三部分：面试英语自我介绍演讲稿 general introduction i am a third year master major in automation at shanghai jiao tong university, p.r.china.with tremendous interest in industrial engineering, i am writing to apply for acceptance into your ph.d.graduate program.education background in 1995, i entered the nanjing university of science & technology (nust) -- widely considered one of the china’s best engineering schools.during the following undergraduate study, my academic records kept distinguished among the whole department.i was granted first cla prize every semester,in 1999, i got the privilege to enter the graduate program waived of the admiion test.at the period of my graduate study, my overall gpa(3.77/4.0) ranked top 5% in the department.in the second semester, i became teacher aistant that is given to talented and matured students only.this year, i won the acer scholarship as the one and only candidate in my department, which is the ultimate accolade for distinguished students endowed by my university.presently, i am preparing my graduation thesis and trying for the honor of excellent graduation thesis.research experience and academic activity when a sophomore, i joined the aociation of ai enthusiast and began to narrow down my interest for my future research.with the tool of opengl and matlab, i designed a simulation program for transportation scheduling system.it is now widely used by in retrospect, i find myself standing on a solid basis in both theory and experience, which has prepared me for the ph.d.program.my future research interests include: network scheduling problem, heuristic algorithm research (especially in ga and neural network), supply chain network research, hybrid system performance analysis with petri nets and data mining.

1、good morning/afternoon/evening, my name is .it is really a great honor to have this opportunity/chance to introduce myself.i would like to answer whatever you may raise, and i hope i can make a good performance today.第二部分：英文求职信范文april 13,2005 p.o.box 48 peking university peking, china 100013 dear sir/madam: sincerely, deng yun 英文求职信

（一）

一、求职信的格式、用词和礼节

求职信是有目的地针对不同用人单位的一种书面自我介绍，通常一页长，书写一般以商业格式为标准，分开头，中间和结尾三部分。首尾部份应注意礼貌，通常信的开始要先做自我介绍，如：姓名、学校、所学专业等。中间部分是正文，是求职信的核心，形式多种多样，一般为自我条件展示、工作展望等内容。先是你写求职信的目的是什么，目标是什么？是想获得一个什么样的具体的职务；其次写自己对从事此工作感兴趣的原因、愿意到该单位工作的愿望和自己具有的资格；接着写出或推销出你的优势或长处，即你的竞争实力；然后谈你为什么想为此机构或公司服务？你对他们的了解有多少？关于他们的产品或服务、任务、企业文化、目标、宗旨等一切与你自己的背景、价值观和目标相关联的东西。在结尾处建议下一步的行动，联络地点、联络方式，以及最后的感谢语等。这三部分的内容一般占三或四段，可以发挥创意的空间非常的大，不必死守规则，可灵活运用。求职信应与履历分开，有话则长，无话则短，没有必要把简历的内容重复一遍。英文求职信的模式与中文求职信格式相同。

二、礼貌的开头结尾 (一) 开头语 1.in reply to your advertisement in beijing youth daily of december 25, i respectfully offer my services for the situation. 贵公司12月25日在《北京青年报》刊登招聘广告，本人特备此函应征该职位。据悉贵公司推销员一职出缺，特备函应征。据商业图书出版社经理约翰先生称，贵公司拟于今年九月份职员若干名，本人拟参加此等职务应征。

4.so i must to say that i have long been hopeful of working for your hospital after graduation, i am sure that i have the privilege of serving in your hospital, i will greatly increase my experience and my education.贵院是本地区最有名气的一所医院，我早已渴望能毕业后进入贵院工作，如有这份荣幸，我确信，对我提高行医能力和经验必有极大裨益。

5.dear sir, after my graduation from college this fall, i am desirous of securing a position that will offer me opportunity in the field.本人将于今年秋天大学毕业，现拟谋求与国际贸易有关的工作，我对贵公司的业务范围较为熟悉，阁下也许能为我安排一份工作。

6.in reference to your advertisement in the newspaper for an accountant, i believe that i have the qualifications to fit your position.阅读日报上贵公司的广告，得悉贵公司招聘会计，我深信符合该项职务所列条件。

7.on looking over todays economic daily times my attention was attracted by your advertisement for a senior clerk.now as i am desirous of obtaining such a position, i should like to apply for it.拜读贵公司在今日经济日报上所刊登的广告，得悉贵公司欲招聘一位高级职员，本人现在正寻找这一类职位，特此修函应征。

8.i have learned from the newspaper that there is a vacancy in your firm, and i wish to apply for the position.从x报获悉贵公司目前尚有空缺，故本人拟应征。

9.i wish to apply for the position of editor advertised in the newspaper.我拟应征贵公司今日x报刊登招聘编辑一职的工作。

10.i wish to apply for the position advertised in the newspaper.本人欲申请今日xx报上贵公司刊登的求才广告所列职位，本人自信符合贵公司所要求的条件。 12.i would like to apply for the position of secretary which you

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